I am so glad we ‘bumped’ into each other the other week. And you gave me your blog address and I have just read some of your writing and some responses.

As we talked the other day…and my baby was born premature too and the whole experience was a roller coaster..and so few of my women friends had babies and my mum was far away…i reckon it has been the most challenging experience in my life!

I have to go to work now, so won’t write more now..just to say – how moving it was to read about your experiences – and to know you, as well, as that lively intellect and spirit ( in 2003? in my doco class!) and now to know a bit about your journey as a mama..and to feel linked to you in that experience too.

I have put my blog address: http://jenithornleydoco.blogspot.com/ and you will see what I am up to with this new film i have been doing as a doctorate at UTS – when you have a moment drop me a line and also send me the name of the friend you mentioned re web site design..

and, hey, let’s meet up at the village square one day soon!

fond regards

Jeni thornley

I just discovered this blog… I typed Spike into google and hey presto I’m here! No, not really… Vic sent me the URL after I demanded to know what was going on with you and baby and how you were.

I read your blog entries and it looks like you went through a lot. Leaving the hospital without Spike must have been hard. I know what it feels like… I recently bought a fridge from crazy charlies factory seconds, but couldn’t take it home for a whole day!

Spike is a great name… well done on that one! I hope little spikey and mum and dad are all doing well. All here at office miss you lots. Can’t wait to see little Spikey and hear more news…. where’s your 2007 blog entry? Gotta run… Happy New Year! Paul

I thought your take on mum and dad, male and female, being equal but different was really interesting. And true.

I thought it was really cool what you wrote about being a place in Spike’s heart as his mum. And that it was out of your control and totally not of your making. That is so true… it is such a miracle and gift.

And I guess over time the meaning of “mum” is added to – in the nurturing, play times, listening, boundary-setting, soothing, disciplining, educating, lending money, saying no, wiping away tears and watching them have their hearts broken…

Yeah, you’re right. That’s not a job description, that’s a calling.

Lots of love & Happy Christmas
Hazel

Great photo. What a marvelous anniversary gift – what synchronicity. Looking forward to seeing you all – especially my little nephew – in a few weeks.

Much love
Rachie

I can’t comment on fathers-I wish I had had a decent father. I didn’t. My Mum was enough.

Finally I just want to tell you that you are a strong and wonderful person and depression is only an illness, it has NO bearing on who you are. A friend of mine suffered badly with PND recently, but she is now out the other side. It will go.
S.

Thankyou for writing that post. There are so many emotions I’ve felt surrounding this event. Love, fear, joy, anger and probably a host of others that I can’t name. I’ve also felt in this time more than any other the presence of god. I use a small ‘g’ to describe this presence because for me this entity is not a person, or even a thing but an all pervading essence like water or air. So common that we sometimes take it for granted, and so essential that we could never live without it.

I’ve had the benefit of having contact with multiple religions and have for myself decided that I don’t believe in any single religion – I believe them all. Your words about God having chosen Spike, Jeremy and I to be together for the things ahead comfort me, but for only one reason. I do believe that god is part of me and everything that I can imagine, and definitely part of Spike. Now it is fine to believe in God, god or Gods, but that belief is irrelevant to life if you don’t believe god loves you. I think we can feel this thing I call god, when we feel love.

So the reason your words comfort me is that it reminds me that god loves me.

Thankyou.

I understand what you’re saying about mums and dads, I can already see how different my role and Josh’s are, but how much Natasha needs us both.

But for me, I have learned about this unconditional love by watching someone who is even better at it than my mum or dad could ever be and definitely even better than I will ever be at unconditional love. You wrote about the place in your heart that has been made just for Spike – it’s even more than that – God chose YOU to be Spike’s mum, He chose Spike to be YOUR son and more than that, He has been watching You both and planning all sorts of amazing and wonderful things for your lives before you were born!

A little piece of poetry… (not mine!!)

“For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place.
When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,
your eyes saw my unformed body.
All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”
Psalm 139:13-16

It is hard… but I wouldn’t change it for anything
Marina

I guess i wpould just add that we need teach our daughters AND our sons about the importance of all this.

Yes there is definitely a conspiracy of silence. I guess in some ways it’s hard to tell a friend that is expecting just how hard it is because you don’t want to freak them out. But at the same time it can be really lonely when you look a these glowing creatures in the ‘mothers’ magazines and think what it wrong with me – why do I find it so hard.

I think there is certainly more dialogue going on around childbirth and being a mother now, in fact I know someone who is doing a PhD on motherhood. There is an interesting site called Mothers of Invention – I can’t find the site now will have to post link later. Their tagline is something like ‘ My children are my only consolation for motherhood – which sux’

I think our generation of women has very different expectations of what we want out of life compared to our mothers generation. We want to be able to have meaningful work and a family with recognition of the value of the work we are doing as mothers. The problem is that pretty much the whole cultural history of our society has attempted to prevent this. Anyway just to say we are really the pioneers in a lot of ways and hopefully our daughters will have some role models as to how to manage all this – and stay sane.